A-Z of ways to expire in Thailand - B

Continuing to snuff it in the Great Land of Smiles, we arrive at....... 'B'.  This guide is not a joke, and should be taken very, very seriously.

B

Baker
Thai bakers are far too rare to be dangerous. Pretend Bakers in Tesco Lotus and Makro will try to fob you off with naff bread and half filled sandwiches, although these are generally non fatal.

Chance of fatality - 0.1/100

Balcony
Convenient for suicide, or suspicious 'accidents', there are lots of reported deaths annually in popular Thai tourist areas, leading some to conclude lots of farang travel to Thailand to blow savings, enjoy themselves, and end it all.

Chance of fatality (normal) - 1/100
Chance of fatality (intoxicated) - 7/100
Chance of fatality (suicidal) - 90/100

Bar
A popular hang out for Thai and farang alike, 'the bar' presents many different ways for one to enjoy oneself, but alas, 'bar life' is filled with pathways that lead to various quick and slow deathery. Prolonged alcohol consumption may lead to misunderstandings, resulting in drunken fracas or embarrassing relations. For those that go to bars to meet Thai girls, refer to 'Bottom'.

Chance of fatality - 7/100

Bat
Pesky little feckers that fly inches from your face during evening in more rural parts of Thailand. Known to knock drunken farang off course and into ponds / rivers and road. Drunken Thai’s sometimes mistake them for spirits, or ancestors. (see ancestors)

Chance of fatality - 3/100

Beach
A safe haven away from it all, Thai beaches improve the further from Pattaya you travel. Just don’t mention tsunami. Or drowning. Or shark.

Chance of fatality - 15/100

Bear
Rare in Thailand, even more so due to the behaviour of dumb jokers who think bear body parts can be used in hocus pocus Chinese remedies, giving the Thai bear far more reason to fear people.

Chance of fatality - 3/100

Beer
A favourite farang and Thai pastime, when consumed leads to drunkenness and general tomfoolery. See alcohol.

Chance of fatality - 6/100

Beetle
All Thai beetles are ugly, and scary looking, They come in various forms, speeds and sizes. Can cause extreme fear when found inside bed clothes in darkened rooms. Often approached by farang and Thai with extreme prejudice, although non-fatal.

Chance of fatality - 2/100

Beggar
Generally more prone to causing discomfort and embarrassment than death, many a Thai beggar will think nothing of throwing themselves at your feet as you sit and have lunch. Handle with care if drunk (them, not you).

Chance of fatality - 4/100

Boa Constrictor
Not native to Thailand (easy now) but they are extremely large and fond of Zoo's. If you want to see how big (and dangerous) a snake from Thailand can be, take a look at this youtube video.

Chance of fatality - 20/100

Boat
Accidents may occur due to poorly maintained boats, careless drivers and inexperienced passengers. Navigating the choppy waves in itself can be perilous, and can do loads of damage to the farang back (seriously, I’ve heard this many times) Hang on tight (and watch your back posture)

Chance of fatality - 15/100

Bomb
Political wrangling have seen the odd home made bomb in Bangkok of late, although fear mongering and International press exaggeration is often at play. Avoid family trips to the far Southern provinces.

Chance of fatality - 5/100

Bottom
See anus

Chance of fatality - 10/100

Boxing (Muay Thai)
High injury rates, although rarely fatal. A good muay Thai style knee is said to deliver the same forces as those involved in a 30mph car collision. Watching from a distance is heavily recommended.

Chance of fatality (watching) - 3/100
Chance of fatality (participating) - 50/100

Bride
Thai brides are famous all over the world, particularly the mail order variety. Generally safe, as long as temper is well navigated; shopping trips, good manners and overall generosity are recommended (see women).

Chance of fatality - 9/100

Brothel
The sleazy hang out of many a farang and Thai, a good place to pick up all forms of STD and accompanying itches, scratches, alien growth and possibly doom.

Chance of fatality - 9/100

Buddha
Thailand’s symbol of peace, luck and religion. Don’t poke fun at, insult or climb on, at least when Thai folk are around.

Chance of fatality - 9/100

Burglar
On the rise due to global economic conditions, Thai burglars will steal the purse from their own grandmothers. Like snakes, likely to strike if cornered.

Chance of fatality - 9/100

Bus
Usually driven by guy with very short clipped hair and large dark glasses. Probably discharged from military or military prison. Bus drivers like to drive diagonally across Bangkok’s jam packed roads, indicating the inner frustration and madness inside the head of the driver. Get them in your rear mirror ASAP.

Chance of fatality - 14/100

Link to Thailand, Land of Smiles............... and Death - A

Comments

[Wotchit]

Beetles???!!! You big poof!!!
And what about 'Brutality-Police' or 'Bin-Lids'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHP3Jih_rfA

[The Thai Pirate]

Bin lids didn't make it, although interesting. Police brutality, see 'Police'

[Pete, frogblogger]

Can't fault any of that Ben, nothing else springs to mind right now...

As for 'burglars', don't know if you follow Dan's AbsolutelyBangkok blog, but there's considerably more chance of the burglar than the burgled meeting an untimely death if they case his joint once again.

I know 'S' is a long way off, but while I think of it and it's in the news, don't forget "shoe laces" when you get around to it...

[Ben Shingleton]

Ooh dear. That is nasty. http://www.allyourtv.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=316&catid=316

and defo dodgy if you ask me.

[Wotchit]

Blimey, that'd make your eyes water. Not for very long though...

[Talen]

I think you forgot...Bad Decisions and Bridge Jumpers not to mention Bald headed Bare backers.

[Thailand Girl]

Fantastic - This is a great post, you must have gone to a lot of trouble creating those icons !

[Ben Shingleton]

Talen :DDDDDDDDDDDD haha yes indeed noted..!

Thanks Thailand Girl!!!