The Thai Pirate - Thai Blog and Travel Stories

You know you've been in Thailand too long, when.....

The expat's perspective on life in Thailand is constantly changing (evolving, even).

One minute I think I have it all sussed, only to then find I'm just as confused as when I first arrived.

I've been living in Thailand for quite a while now, and there are a few things I catch myself doing now and then, that make me realise how far I've come to adapting to a completely different way of life.. A way of life that is becoming more familiar than the one I left behind.

So just for a laugh, here are five things that let me know that maybe, I've been in Thailand too long:

1. Getting stopped by the cops (when you've committed a heinous crime, like switching lanes) and winding down the window, unphased, with 200 baht ready in hand.

2. Saying 'kub / kub / kub / kub / kub', even when you have no idea what the Thai person is talking about.

3. Walking into a 'Western' fast food place, looking at the overhead menu, working out how much cheaper you can buy a Thai dish for, and walking out, hungry.

4. Whilst driving, spotting the motorcyclist pulling out in front of you, thinking, 'if you get in my way mate, that's your problem'.

5. Swearing that you'll never ride on the back of a taxi motorcycle ever again, and then finding yourself on the back of a motorcycle taxi, life flashing before your eyes, swearing, 'I will never ride on the back of a motorcycle taxi ever again'.

There are hundreds more.. What let's you know that you've been in Thailand too long?

Chinese Tourist Brawl Captured in Pattaya

I was out for a beer with my mate Steven Cleary in Pattaya last week, when we stumbled upon this drunken brawl occuring between two sets of rowing Chinese tourists. I think they'd obviously been enjoying a few too many Chang's, as they were all extremely keen to fall over / get down to business.

The guy with the sleeveless vest, who ends up on the floor early on in the clip, was certainly the instigater from what I could tell; and his little friend did a stirling job of getting him out of trouble at several points.....

The trouble continued for quite some time... we left when a couple of middle eastern lads came along and tried to break it up, themselves getting involved in the handbags when a few of the Chinese 'who had their tails up' weren't having any outside intervention, but no-one was hurt...

Me and Steve had a bit of a giggle though...Well, what can you say.... ! It all goes on in Pattaya!

 

Road Carnage at Breakfast

For a while I've been having breakfast at the same place on Phetkasem Road, just outside of Hua Hin town centre on the way to Pranburi.

Despite the glorious setting (sea on one side, mountains on the other) this road is a dangerous place. You have the treacherous combination of fast moving traffic, heavy goods trucking, and motorcycles (many travelling, at speed, in the wrong direction).

So anyway, we've all witnessed road accidents in Thailand. In this instance, I was chasing my two year old around the outdoor restaurant, trying to feed him, whilst my missus got stuck into her breakfast. All of a sudden you hear the unmistakable 'WHAM' of something unnatural occurring, and all those present and within earshot stood up and looked across to where the noise came from.

After missus had taken charge of the boy, I made my way to the roadside, a mere 100 yards, where a car sat parked awkwardly, and beyond a motorcycle lay in the brush. Just beyond that, the landscape drops around 10 feet gradually, into an open copse, where the motorcyclist lay.

I knew what I was about to see would be harsh, but in such circumstances, what option do you have but to help? The first thing I noticed was the awful way in which his body was contorted; he lay completely still, but his right arm was twisted behind his frame in such a way that I thought the lack of reaction must surely mean he was dead.

He was a kid, maybe 18 years old, trendy, ear piercings etc.. He lay apparently lifeless. I wanted to correct his unnatural posture, but being unable to, I just talked at him.... hoping that he might register in some way my rambling voice... I remember my mother had a very bad car accident in England, and she told me that, the only thing she remembers clearly, was one of the ambulance guys talking to her, engaging her, making her laugh...

His eyes were completely rolled back into his head, but oh so slowly, he tried to awake. It was, in itself, a painful experience, watching him gradually come around, knowing that his arm must be in excruciating pain.. after about a minute, as he began to try and rise, only then could I pull him up so slightly and let his arm slip back to the front of his body. His face, a bloody mess having been razored by 50 feet of brittle sun-hardend brush, instantly showed relief, as his arm came back to a natural position.

After that the road crew arrived and I retreated, and left. On my way back, I noticed the lady who'd been driving the car that hit him.. Apparently, so my wife tells me, she'd been pulling into the same restaurant, and not seen him in her mirrors... She was on the phone, and I remember wondering if her phone was pressed up against her ear when the accident happened.

Just another tale of another violent, pointless and preventable road accident in Thailand.

Koh Larn - 30 minutes off Pattaya Beach

There's a little island off Pattaya called Koh Larn, around a 30 minute boat ride from Pattaya Beach. I'd heard of it but only recently had a chance to check it out.

The anticipation of the journey, and the ferry journey itself are fun. Although its a bit of a squeeze, once everyone is on board, its not usually a problem to get comfy and enjoy the ride (travel light). And it's only 30 baht one way ... For those in a hurry, there is the option of taking a speed boat for 300 baht return per person, although I didn't take one myself so don't know the exact deal.

There are numerous beaches to go to, and navigating which ferry goes where, I would imagine, is a bit of a nightmare if you don't have an accompanying Thai handy. Luckily I did (several) so it was all pretty straightforward for me, I just carried bags, small children, and followed (as usual).

(pic above - one of the smaller beaches) The first thing that hits you as you walk across the boat piers are the curving, golden, busy beaches .... They are large, long and generally 'fill up' quite quickly (depending on the time you arrive).

If you are looking for hard evidence of the Russian invasion of Pattaya, you can find it here. One of the beaches we went to had Russian flags flying high, for all to see.

Getting up close and personal with armies of semi-naked Ruskies is an experience in itself. They are a tough nut to crack. It's very hard to get 'on the inside,' so to speak, much more so than our other European and American friends. Is it all down to a communication barrier? Not in this case I think. They generally keep 'themselves to themselves', in my experience. Mind you, that hasn't stopped the Thai's. Their entrepreneurial spirit will always endeavour to find a way, and it never fails to impress me when you see a Thai talking confidently in Russian, whilst taking a food order.

(pic above: our crew) The beaches are nice, not Phuket, but nice. Better than Pattaya, and Jomtien (just harder to get to).There are a few decent little shops and markets dotted around, and of course, food... And booze. We had some great food, but beware, some of the more exotic seafood has prices that will make you wince (especially when feeding a group, and no doubt increased moreso if the local's smell a foreign wallet ;)

If you've got a few days to kill in Pattaya and are looking for something to do, then get a ride to Koh Larn. The ferries can be caught from just beside Walking Street (helpful website here).

Health and Safety in Thailand (part 1)

Brave, or stupid?

The guy is balancing on a single bar, well over 100 ft up in the air..... The other guy (on the second floor) looks as though he's about to do a nose dive into the ground below (he didn't, thankfully).

No wonder there are so many deaths on building sites in Thailand.

(but they can build things, very quickly).

Invite to the swanky Mandarin Oriental Bangkok

Anyone who has yet to have experience the gorgeous Mardarin Oriental Bangkok Hotel really should make a beeline for it ASAP, if only to go in for a drink in one of the very nice bars spread around the hotel lobby and surrounding halls.

(pic above: the Royal Ballroom) Sutiya and I were invited by the folks at the Embassy of Finland to celebrate their 94th Anniversary of Independence (from the Russian Empire), as we've done some work for them in the past (and very nice people they are too!)

Anyway, what a place! The service and general atmosphere are sublimely relaxing, and if you do go, look out for the black and white photos throughout the lobby that show how the hotel looked 50 years ago!

(pic above: the Lobby at the Mardarin Oriental, Bangkok) We didn't stay the night though, the room price range around the 30-35k mark per night, although, judging by the rest of the place, I'm pretty confident its worth it.

Anyone who wants to find out more about the Mardarin Oriental, visit their website here.

Scary Croc Feeding at Million Years Stone Park - Pattaya

Wow, if you're in Pattaya one day and fancy trying something interesting, head down to Pattaya's Million Years Stone Park for an afternoon.

You may have to fight your way through crowds of Russians, but the feeding of the crocadiles is a must see.. The 'thunk' sound made when the croc's snap their jaws shut is quite thought provoking, ..... sounds just like two cricket bats slamming together.

Some of these crocs are h-u-g-e... The rest of the park is good as well, with a live croc show (mad thai fella putting his head in croc's mouth, etc) plus other animals. Good for a family jaunt - website here www.thaistonepark.org

Flooding in Bangkok Continues

The plughole that is Bangkok has had too much water to handle lately, and the floods endlessly continue, with little sign of respite. I think this has been a baptism of fire for the current PM, Ms Yingluck Shinawatra, who has fared fairly badly during the whole drama....

Proving that 'style' definitely triumphs over 'substance' in Thai politics, she appeared early on at some of the poorer flooded neighbourhoods of Bangkok, sporting a fetching pair of 15,000 baht Burberry boots. If that isn't bad enough, she was also slated for using the same sound bites she used three months prior to win the election... 'thai people must stand united,' 'we must be strong in the face of adversity, 'watch out for that bloody massive crocodile swimming up soi 5' etc

(pic above - street in Sai Mai, which was not flooded two days before this photo was shot... The bloke on the bike does eventually 'go for it', although it took him about 10 minutes of deep consideration!)

So Bangkok remains a complete mess for the time being; last year the protests and army, this year widespread flooding... What the bloody hell is gonna happen next year?

(Side note: I wonder, for all the Abhisit haters... Do you think Abhisit might have handled this whole affair a little more competently?)

 

Temple Monuments and Imagery

I don't get a lot of chance to go to temples these days. I'm not a Buddhist, or even much for religion in general, although I think it's obvious that in the right hands religion can do so much good (and sadly vice versa).

Anyway my wife is a Buddhist, although she doesn't feel the need to overtly show this and only goes to the temple when it takes her, which quite suits me, as I do find them incredibly peaceful places.

Anyway, we ended up in a temple in Hua Hin, one we've not been before, and this place had some incredible statues and artwork, although most of these impressive monuments were quite chilling.

In this pic above, this pond lies just next to the temple entrance, and is hidden away so you probably would walk straight passed it. Aiden was wandering outside and so I noticed it. To me, the shadowy relaxed figure in the background has despatched three gruesome beasts towards you. The most intimidating for me is the submerged croc whose shoulders are poised in a jump position, it's beady cold eyes just above the water level.... This thing is about to pounce and eat you!

Then you have his two chillingly ugly associates to the left and right; the zombie-eyed snake / boa, on the right of the picture, and that awful scaly worm on the left, slithering across the sides of the pond heading right in your direction.. This pond is a nightmare! If anyone can tell me any real facts about the shadowy character at the back I would be interested, I'm sure there is a story...

Now I've seen this fella before, the seven headed snake, although admittedly my knowledge of it's character, meaning or significance are non-existent and so again if anyone knows anything interesting about this horrific beast, please share.

Finally (and the picture doesn't do it justice) we have this huge entranceway, currently being renovated. You'll notice the two huge elephants, supporting the weight of the entire building, and the multiple headed, Chinese dragons scaling the columns, with the huge figure of Buddha (i think) in the background. He himself is the size of a bus..... Of course you have the hunched Buddhist monk at the centre, himself shielded by a golden umbrella.

It really is impressive stuff. Although in this temple it seems that the many statues are incredibly war-like, and fear inducing, not something I'm really used to in most of the temples I've encountered.

Riding in a Thai 'Rot Doo' (Thai taxi minibus)

Riding in one of these vans is like sleeping with the enemy for regular Thai road users.... These 'white and silver bullets,' that blitz down the highways and bi-ways of Thailand, at skidmark speeds, and with their willy-nilly bumper welding have been a source of massive driver angst for me.... so it was with reluctance and huge surprise, to find out that these road jokers do actually offer an incredibly-good-value-for-money service.

Since moving to Prauchuap a few months back, I found myself stepping into a rot doo to get to Bangkok (the better half needed the car)... and I've pretty much been in one ever since.

The advantages are simple.

To get to Bangkok from Hua Hin one-way is 180 Baht (3 quid). Bangkok to Pattaya 100 baht (2 quid) and Pattaya to Hua Hin 300 baht (6  quid).. You cannot argue with those prices.. If you were to multiply each figure by 5, you've roughly got the same cost of travelling by car (and not to mention you also can't have a kip en route).

SO, since finding this out, I've pretty much 'rot doo'ed' my way all over central Thailand.. Not just because I'm a cheap arse, but also because I now don't get caught up in all the speedway antics that left me so aggro before... I can leave all that to the driver..

A few tips for riding the Thai rot doo..

1. Don't sit at the back seat.. These will always get avoided like the plague by experienced rot doo passengers.... this is because you'll feel every bump, magnified by ten, the suspensions on some of these minibuses have been seriously hammered, and hills and bumps can mean you leave the seat completely (tall people will likely hit their heads on the roof of the van!).. Personally, I've found the seat behind the driver to be consistently the one that offers the most room, or the seat at the front of the van, next to the driver.

2. Try not to carry too much baggage.. It will minimise your already tight space. Leave it at home if possible. And definitely don't travel with small kids, this could be difficult at best....

3. Take food and drink... Most of the times these guys stop at petrol stations etc, but sometimes not. I often enjoy a beer or two on the bus, which can make for a nice night time drive..

4. Don't take a rot doo if you have to keep to a strict schedule (i.e like an airport run). If the bus isn't full, you may find yourself waiting for long-ish periods at various stops en route, so the driver can try to coax people in to top up his takings.. Also, you're likely to fill up at one of those NGV gas stations, and this can take forever. especially if you hit a queue.... I normally calculate the normal driving time, plus an hour and a bit..... this should easily cover it, but not always.

5. Don't be rude to the driver... Especially if you plan to take rot doo's regularly.. The drivers keep the same routes etc. So if you tell him to 'eff off' one day, it'll probably be the same guy driving you next month... Not good.... they'll ALWAYS remember you.

6. Get out the van when possible..... If the driver stops at a station, especially if they're filling up at an NGV, get out and walk off that DVT, even if just for the change of scenery.... If you're near home, journey times can still be long (it's taken me 6 hours Hua Hin to Pattaya before, without going through Bangkok!)

7. If you want to get a rot doo from somewhere to somewhere, but don't know where the rot doo's are, just grab a cab and tell the taxi 'yark bai rot doo hua hin' / or 'yark bai rot doo bangkok' etc (I want to get a minibus to hua hin / I want to get a mini bus to bangkok') etc. It's surely not the finest Thai vocab in the world, but its short and easy to remember, and the taximan (hopefully) will do the rest.

Enjoy the rot doo's! Not for the faint hearted though (but then, neither are the Thai roads, eh).